i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
the liver wants what the liver wants
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
