Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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