yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
