do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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