WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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