Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
