I'm really into asian looking animals
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize