she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
