And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
