i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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