no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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