every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
