"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
