are you still at the devil's house?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Randomize
