All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize