I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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