Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
