id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
