Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
