Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
