If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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