I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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