i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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