fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
