Just fell off a train. Bad.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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