real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
