Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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