; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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