so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
she smelled like a LAN party
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
