If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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