I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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