What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
