I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
