with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I accidentally burped into my bong.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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