Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
