She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
