batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
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