Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
