okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
