I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
