I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Nobody cheats on THIS.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
