It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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