I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
