im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
