Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize