i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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