Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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