he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
