last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize