Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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