You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize