thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I think i peed on brittanys purse
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
