Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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