he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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