this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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