i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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