in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
