It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
