Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
