So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
