I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
