please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Randomize
