So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
