I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
