You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
