i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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