I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
